Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
