Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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