we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
