She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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