Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
