Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
