She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
