FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
