You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
they're like a gay fantastic four
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
