I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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