Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
