Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
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Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
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Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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