So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
