Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
