im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
