Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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