the condom got lost in my hair
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
