I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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