can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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