I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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