I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
