when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
