nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i would punch a child for taco bell
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
