Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
