Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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