The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
