its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
