once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
