what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
