tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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