Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
