you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
