It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Your penis caused this!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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