"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
