ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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