I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
