if i can run in heels then i can drive
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
