I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
