my mouth tastes like poor choices
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
