I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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