so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
