thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
