Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
