i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
