you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
