Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
