I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
