At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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