she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
