I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
