You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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