Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
