How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
