Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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