Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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