The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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