Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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