I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
