I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
