Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
