arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Randomize
