I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
