my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Your tits are I can't wait for
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
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He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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