You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
