so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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