I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
