Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
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i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I AM VODKA MAN
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
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Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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