i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
