Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I love having hate sex.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
