Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
