Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize