Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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