Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
