i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
