I faked an abortion last night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
