Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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