Just cropdusted the office
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
